Teri M. Bethel
Many women ask the question, “what’s the big deal with honoring your husband?” For most men, honor and respect are huge elements in their relationship with women, and it’s usually the top consideration with sex coming in at a close second place. Sadly, both are the most intentionally withheld elements—even in so-called Christian marriages. Many marital challenges couples experience today are rooted in a lack of honor and respect.
Most women want a great marriage; they want a dreamy storybook romance. Instead, they feel saddled with a nightmare that continues even after waking up. One, I might add, that some helped to create with their mouths. Although many wives are remorseful when they let their mouths run away with them, they still have difficulty accepting responsibility for their actions. Instead of making excuses and casting blame, perhaps a better posture would be to own up to your mistakes. Did you know that much of your problems can be fixed just by putting a guard over your mouth? It really can pave the way for a healthier relationship.
I Can’t Help It!
A lady owned up about her mouth getting the best of her when she spoke to her husband. She admitted using her tongue like a knife to cut him to shreds. He could do no right. She would not tell him if he did good or looked great lest he became full of pride, yet she wanted him to affirm her. She wanted him to come home after work to spend time with her and the kids. When he did, she complained about everything he said and did.
Although she hated undermining him, she said, “I can’t help it!” Almost every day, she admitted to emasculating him in front of the children. Every night he went to bed feeling broken, assaulted, and worthless. Instead of going home to Madam Cranky, he began staying out with a lady who he felt treated him with dignity.
What Does Honor Look Like?
So ladies, what does honoring your husband look like? It means you lift up your man. Sure he has some chinks in his armor but guess what? So do you. Instead of focusing on the chinks, why not focus on his positives; they were not so difficult to see before you got married. Revisit how you speak to him; emasculation is not an option in a healthy relationship regardless of what the issues are. You need to take how you treat your mate up a notch. Mike Murdoch says it this way: “Speak to the king in your man, and not the fool.” You see, whomever you address will rise to the fore.
Another lady complained that her husband had lost interest in their intimate time. She claimed she had to be the one who always pursued him. In talking with him, he explained that he would prefer to remain celibate than to lay with his disrespectful wife. Within ten minutes of being in their presence, I understood his point. Her belittling was overwhelming.
Should Men Honor Their Wives?
Honor applies to women, too, so you gentlemen don’t get away so quickly. Men can take honor and respect for their wives up a notch also. Far too many women complain about how their husbands speak to them privately and in public. How does it benefit you to pull down God’s gift to you? If you want her to treat you like the king of your home, shouldn’t you be treating her like your queen?
Husbands, honor and respect your wives. If you treat her with tenderness and respect, those old hardened areas will soften in time. But if you are abrasive, you are only creating more callouses, and the cycle will continue.
I’ve heard several men boast in their wife’s presence how they elevated her from the gutter to prominence with him. That’s not honor. That’s demeaning, humiliating, and unkind. Where a person comes from or what they have, does not define who they are. Life is a journey, one which has hills and valleys. Just because you were on a hill when you met does not make you a better person than someone from the valley.
An Apology is In Order
As a matter of fact, the Bible says that the two have become one, so whatever she is, that is what you are. What did you call her again? Well, an apology is never too late for dishonoring your spouse. If you are sincere, it can create a good foundation to rebuild your relationship.
You may be the breadwinner, a bigger, stronger, domineering man, but that does not make you the boss. You are your wife’s husband, lover, head of the home, and priest of the family. Lead her with firm but gentle respect. Don’t you know that you hurt yourself when you hurt your wife? Do you really want to get stuck in an “I’m good enough” rut? Your spouse may disagree with your point of view on the matter.
Teri M. Bethel is a published author of books in several genres, including marriage preparation, marriage enrichment, children’s adventures & character building, romance, and more. Teri and her husband Tellis reside in the Bahamas. The couple has two adult children. In addition to being sold on Amazon, their books can be purchased in Nassau, Bahamas at Logos Bookstore, Nassau Stationers, & Doongalik Studios and in Eleuthera at Office General and the North Eleuthera Craft & Snack Place.