Restoring A Stale Marriage

Teri M. Bethel

Cameron and Jenny’s marriage was once the talk of the town, and they looked like the happiest couple in the land as they walked hand in hand in public. A week barely passed when one of them would post a smiling picture of themselves with private messages for public display in their favorite social media hangout. But behind the façade was a loneliness Jenny felt was beginning to consume her. Cameron filled his boredom with the marriage by hanging out with his friends. He knew it was important for Jenny to profile her success in public, so he went along with it, agreeing to wear matching clothes and posing for the smiling selfies.

As Stale As Old Bread

Have you ever pulled a slice of stale bread from the bag and just could not bring yourself to eat it? That once delicious baker’s delight that used to tantalize your taste buds is no longer appealing. In fact, you were so bored with it you left it on the counter to dry up.

That’s how some marriages are—untouched, dry, and unappealing; just left to the side. Your marriage doesn’t have to be like that. Like old bread, your relationship becomes stale when it’s taken for granted. As former directors’ of a local marriage ministry, it was not unusual to hear some wives complain of their boredom in marriage. Being overlooked drove a wedge between them and their husbands, and complaining about it made an even deeper wedge.

Men were also claiming boredom with their relationships. Those with young families often complained that their wives did not give them the attention they had become accustomed to before having children. Their relationship had become more about kids and careers than about themselves. As time passed, they continued to drift in separate directions. Some admitted to going places to fill the void, like clubs, and often found themselves knee-deep in relationships that had become difficult to exit.

Barna Statistics

According to the Barna Group’s 2008 survey of marriages and divorces in America, four out of every five adults (78%) have been married at least once. The study revealed an even higher proportion of born-again Christians (84%) marry. Although there were many variants to their findings, it was determined that divorce among Christians was practically the same rate as non-Christians, with African Americans being the highest in the divorce category.

Bridging The Gap

Are You Ready To Take Your Relationship to a Higher Level?

As a married couple, balance is vital. While each needs private time, it is just as needful to have a ‘together time’. Not just for a sexual encounter but for building intimacy with each other. Contrary to popular opinion, intimacy begins with conversations and random acts of kindness, not a roll in the sack. The good news about rebuilding your relationship is that you don’t have to do everything at once or expect an overnight turnaround to habits that took years to develop.

Simple Steps to Making Big Improvements

Punishing your spouse by being unkind will not bring satisfaction in marriage. Instead, try the steps below:

• Explore the purpose of marriage—the creator of a thing knows the purpose for which it was created.
• Discover how effective marriages thrive—so many people spend years studying for their careers but won’t invest the time or resources needed to build a happy marriage.
• Give your spouse the personal time they need.
• Develop the habit of patiently listening to your wife.
• Treat your spouse with love and respect—adjust your attitude to one that honors your mate.
• Take time to develop your friendship and get to know your spouse again.
• Prioritize your relationships—some friendships could be destroying your marriage.
• Keep your private life private—there’s no need to impress outsiders.

Just The Two Of You

Despite your busyness, it is essential to stop the running. At least once a week, reset and reconnect with your spouse by spending quality time together. Choosing to bypass a routine activity to spend time with your spouse shows how much you care for them. The first thing many couples say is they don’t have the funds to do anything together. Finances are an issue, so they stay home. Some of the poorest people in the world have the richest relationships. That’s because their focus is on people and not things.

So, how about taking a scenic evening walk or sitting on the back porch to watch the sun go down. Do something that you can connect with; practice eye contact as well as open displays of affection such as holding hands. Speak positively to each other, avoid negative remarks and criticisms. Share your heart, tell a joke, get a good belly laugh; cultivate your friendship again without your cell phone in hand.

Rebuilding your relationship doesn’t take much. Make an effort to rid yourself of a dry marriage once and for all while you embrace a robust one that satisfies you both.

Teri M. Bethel is the author of My Marriage Matters- Simple Keys to Enriching & Restoring Your Marriage. Available in Nassau, Bahamas at Logos Bookstore and Nassau Stationers. Also available in Governor’s Harbour Eleuthera at Office General and North Eleuthera at the North Eleuthera Snack and Craft Place.