Teri M. Bethel
Quick question here. Do you know what you’re looking for in a wife? With all the chaos in many marriages today, you must wonder if men are giving any thought to what are essential characteristics of a good wife? Granted, men are stimulated by sight, but is that the sum total of a great life partner? Of course, many men would like to look at a pretty face with an equally attractive hour-glass-shaped body, but what if that beautiful form is void of substance. How many men have been sucked into marriages with women who bring nothing to the table other than what is clipped on or pushed up?
Although a number of sharp-witted men say that beauty is what attracts them to women (and that is important), they are quick to acknowledge that it’s their intellect that keeps them. Having all the social graces and character to go with it makes for a pretty little package. The problem is, they say, it’s not as common as they would like to find a woman who can be considered a full package. Ladies, unfortunately, are saying the same about many of the men as described in my previous article, Choosing The Right Husband.
Wife material- More Than a Pretty Face
A young man was told by his mother not to focus on a woman’s looks alone, but to go for character and talent. That way, she would be a useful mate that he can trust. Well, Larry was tossed between Sylvia and Sarah, he could look at Sylvia all day, she was gorgeous—having enough wigs to change her style at least twice daily and a wardrobe to match. Larry loved the idea that he was the envy of every man in the night clubs and when it came to talent, she was the undisputed Karaoke queen, but that was all she was good for, as his mother pointed out.
Sylvia nor Larry could cook or clean, and neither had a job that could support their lavish lifestyle of dining out every day. His mom cautioned that his girl, who lived from paycheck to paycheck without any savings, would drain his finances and was a possible heartbreak in the making. On the other hand, Sarah, his more casual interest, was not a looker but was intelligent and talented with a great career ahead, lived a modest life. At 28 years of age, she was already building her duplex and drove a small car that was paid for. Though she wasn’t as attractive as Sarah, she was a lovely person to talk to and fun to be around.
Larry was more like his father and brothers; they had pretty women, and he wanted one too. He chose Sylvia. Much to Larry’s disappointment, Sylvia continued the club life after they were married. She had no ambition, and having an intelligent conversation was an ordeal. His new wife felt restless around his friends and family, which became a bone of contention between them. As a couple, they were both miserable, and Sylvia took to sweethearting with the guys she met at the clubs when she went out with her friends from work.
Are You Ready to Commit?
Before committing to your girl, you may want to ponder a few questions. It’s okay to have a checklist of the must-haves of a dream mate, but you must go deeper than surface elements, which will be altered by gravity and time.
In several online surveys, men had a tendency to list the following must-haves in a lifemate:
- A good cook
- Good looking
- Not a nag
- Someone who boosts his ego
- Submissive
- Get along well with the in-laws and
- A good home-maker
While there is nothing wrong with the list, you may wish to expand it and go a little deeper. Consider these points below if you are thinking about tying the knot:
- Do you share the same spiritual beliefs?
- Does she have ambition?
- Is she selfless and not selfish?
- Were you the pursuer, or is she the aggressor, and how do you feel about that?
- Does she conduct herself like a lady, or is she a good-time girl?
- Does she treat you with respect, or does she dishonor you among friends and family?
- Does she love you or your bank account?
- Is she more comfortable in church or at the local nightclub?
- Does she have a job or several male sponsors?
- Does her birth certificate reflect that she was born a female?
- Does she have integrity, or is she a liar?
- Does she invest more time and money in developing her character or her exterior?
- What are her thoughts on having children?
- Would she be a good role model for your children?
- Can she submit to her husband’s authority, or is she contentious and unruly?
- Can she hold a conversation, or is she just pretty?
- Can she support your career, or will she pull you down?
- Is she a good listener or just a great talker?
- Can you trust her with your heart?
- Is she confidential, or will your business be an ongoing topic on her job?
- Does she maintain a clean home?
- Are you equally committed to the long-term success of your marriage?
While some of these points may seem a bit awkward, one must be attentive in this day and age and ask questions. If you find that a good number of your answers are negative, consider to what extent this would affect your relationship if you were to get married. So you see, gentlemen, you can have an attractive lady, and a woman needs to maintain that standard, but there is much more at stake in having a successful marriage.
Teri M. Bethel is a published author of books in several genres, including marriage preparation, marriage enrichment, children’s adventures & character building, romance, and more. Teri and her husband Tellis reside in the Bahamas. The couple has two adult children.